Ternyata dah lama bgt ga posting disini. Kalo dulu msh dlm euphoria state of being a quite new mom and wife..sekarang lg excited on the soon coming second child! Yup that’s right! I’ve been away productively! Insya Allah kalo ga ada halangan Rafie’s lil’ brother will be delivered into this world on sat’day 28jul at 8am. So be ready world!
Sore ini gue merubah sebuah pendirian gue. Actually, its not so much as pendirian, tapi mungkin lebih ke arah pemikiran.
Jadi, ada seseorang yang didalam pikiran gue itu dia jahat, norak, nyebelin, etc., tapi ternyata sore ini dia membuktikan kalo ternyata he’s not that bad after all. He’s one of the directors at my office.
This afternoon is one of those moments where I’m imagining of another place, either a place where I’ve been to or a place where I wished I would be.
It has been almost 17 years since my elementary school. But I had some unforgettable memories; most of them are nice ones.
SD gue mayan jauh dari tempat tinggal, kira2 2KM lah. Pake acara nyeberang hutan pula kalo mau motong jalan. Sementara kalo nggak motong jalan, jalan puternya lebih jauh lagiii…
Salah satu hal yang menyenangkan dari going to school those days was the forest I have to cross. It had a specifically very pleasant smell, somehow a mix between the smell of sweet soil and fresh grass. Apalagi kalo abis ujan… uuuuhhhhhhh… bisa tarik napas dalam berkali-kali disana.
The forest itself wasnot one of those gloomy-heavy rainforests you find in
Kalimantan
. In the middle of the forest there was a small creek parting it, with crisp cool water flowing, and the sound it made… it brought such a wonderful feeling. Passerby-s had to tip-toe to cross the creek, so not to wet their shoes too much. To add to its beauty, there were blue berries and many sort of wild forest flowers growing on the side of the creek.
But on very rare occasions, it does have its downsides. Suatu hari setelah hujan - sepulang sekolah, gue pulang ngelewatin hutan itu. But just before the creek, gue ngeliat sesuatu di tanah yang bergerak-gerak slithering. Aaaaaa… ada ular kecil hitam-putih (kaya tipi?) yang lagi merayap di tanah. Ick! Buru-buru ngeloncatin dia dan melanjutkan perjalanan. Eh kira-kira 200M dari batas hutan yang menuju rumah gue, gue ngeliat lagi sesuatu di rerumputan (rumput di bagian jalan hutan dibabat tipis, sementara yang nggak dipake sebagai jalan setapak agak tinggi gitu – kira-kira sepinggang anak SD). HUWAAAAAA… ternyata ular besaaarr (so it seemed at that time)!! Mana dia melintang nutupin jalan setapak yang harus gue lewatin lagi! Huh… Gimana dong? Mau lewat rerumputan yang lebih tinggi, takut makin banyak temannya yang berada disitu.
Akhirnya keputusan yang gue ambil adalah gue balik ke arah sekolahan dan took a detour lewat jalan puter yang mayan jauh. Udah gitu, pake acara ujan lagi pula! Nasib.. nasib…
Jaman keemasan gue, jaman SD. Dimana everything seemed to be burdenless. No stress, no hassle. Where my only fear was that my softball team doesn’t make it to the district level matches.
What do you call it when you have a bad experience that you knew it could have been prevented? Whatever it is called, I just had one this afternoon.
Pagi ini bos minta diambilin CD kampanye katarak di salah satu badan pemerintah yang khusus nanganin kesehatan. Setelah bikin janji mau ketemu sekitar jam 2an, sama orang yang in charge disana untuk ambil tu CD, berangkatlah tadi jam 1.30an.
TERNYATA EH TERNYATA… Mampang macet beraaaatttttt… (padahal dapet mobil kantor juga maksain make sebelom bos make nanti jam 3). Belom lagi, ac mobil yang ternyata rusak, huaaahhh.. makin menambah kenikmatan perjalanan!
Jarak yang biasanya cuma ditempuh dalam waktu 20menitan, tadi siang menjadi 1jam! Geraaaahhhhhh maaakkkkk!!!!
Sampe disana, langsung loncat dan setengah berlari-lari naek ke atas (secara diburu waktu juga), naek lift (uuuhh… lama banget) dan lari lagi sampe ke ruang 715.
“Permisi, Dr. Wira ada, tadi saya udah janjian, mau minta CD kampanye katarak”, kata gue sambil ngos2an…
“Oh itu di mejanya, kesana aja Mbak”, kata yang jaga meja penerima tamu.
“Mbak Nenny, saya kira nggak jadi datang” senyumnya menyambut kedatangan gue -– bikin curiga aja, ada apa nih senyum2, tumben…
“Saya baru engeh kalo semua CD kita disimpen di lemari itu” sambil nunjuk ke sebuah lemari di pojokan ruangan. “Trus kuncinya ternyata saya lupa bawa.”
HEEEGGGHHH.. POOWWW… BRAAAKKKSSS… DUEEEENGGG…
Feels like I’ve just been beaten up by orang sekampung!!
Why didn’t you call me?? Why couldn’t you let me know this morning?? Why the suspicious smile?? WHY?? WHY??
Hmmmpppfffhhh…
Uuugghhh.. .ga enak banget sih
Badannya meriang
Idungnya buntu
Kepala cenut-cenut
Tenggorokan sakit banget rasanya
Belum kalo “serangan” batuknya mulai
Hmmppphh… menderita
Sampe bawa obat batuk segala nih ke kantor
Jadinya dari tadi ga fokus ma orang2
Nahan rasa ngantuk
Kayanya alamat pulang cepet nih
Kabur ah.. kabuuurrr…
A friend’s question inspired me to write. “Gue seneng banget kalo lagi pedekate, gue seneng ngerasain semriwing-semriwingnya kalo lagi deket-deket tu orang”. Then she asked me that question “Lo masih berasa kaya gitu nggak sih sama laki lo?”
Loudly, I answered in confidence “Iya laaahh”. Secara, emang gue juga masih ngerasain hal itu, tapi cuma terkadang. Dalam hati sih tetep mikir, “Iya ya, where did that feeling go?”
Dulu, ketika masih pedekate ma orang yang sekarang jadi suami gue, perasaan “tingling” itu jelas ada. Perasaan inilah yang gue jadiin benchmark, apakah gue “suka” ma orang ini atau enggak. Bahkan nggak perlu ketemu orangnya physically pun gue bisa ngerasain semriwing-semriwing ketika gue mikir tentang dia, apalagi ketika kita ketemuan dan.. ehmm… ehmm.. melakukan physical contact, like holding hands or kissing (jangan mikir kelebihan ya!?)
Sekarang, gue nggak ngerasain “itu” se-intense dulu. Tapi masih tetep berasa. Misal, kalo kita ketemu lagi after he’s been away for a longer period of time. Atau ketika kita ******** (censored by request). Jadi gue ngerasa adalah tugas gue to keep this feeling alive and well, whatever the condition given is.
On another note, a very close friend had said “Laki-laki itu cinta sama istrinya untuk 2-3 tahun pertama kehidupan perkawinannya aja, selanjutnya yang ada hanya perasaan sayang dan tanggung-jawab, karena cintanya berpindah ke anak”. Serem juga ya ngebayangin kalau suami kita ternyata nggak cinta sama kita, tapi hanya sayang dan ngerasa kita adalah tanggung-jawabnya.
So now.. I feel like I have a new pe-er to do. My husband and I need to know how to keep the flame burning in our relationship. Even if the burn isn’t as ferocious as it were before. And give it our best before we could say “that tingling feeling is just not there anymore”. Insya Allah.
Everyday I drive myself to get to where I work, in Kemang. The distance from my home to Kemang, is not really that far. But what detests me the most is the traffic and behavior of the people on the road.
There are just too many vehicles on the road. Especially during the going to and from office hours. Everybody’s rushing to get to the office, which mostly starts around 8-9AM, and then they’re rushing back home after the clock shows 5PM. The road then somehow has a magical power to transform ordinarily nice people into monsters and everything else hideous. With no exception, it affected me.
Just this morning, right after that turn out from my komplek and into the main road of Jalan Raya Bogor, I could already see the traffic waiting for me. It was one created by a nearby Japanese electronic appliances factory *SANYO boo…*, as I waited (un)patiently to pass the traffic, I noticed that motorcycles are closing in on the sides of the queue line of cars, trying to also pass the traffic, but waaaay too close to the line of cars where I was. I did realize that one beside me was that close that he could almost lean on the side of my car, but then the road’s magical spell swept on me, I had to move forward – ‘cause the line is moving, though I unconsciously realized that if I moved in a straight line following the car in front of me, the right front wheel of my car could roll over his foot just below that wheel.
Which I did exactly, (dunno whether its accidental or purposefully), what I know is the guy on the bike opened his helmet and started cursing me. I rolled down the window, with a frowning face (somewhere between feeling sorry for him and a winning feel) and answered “Mas sendiri sih, salahnya mepet mepet mobil… ya maaf kalo sakit…”.
I could see his lips still cursing, and he moved right in front of my car, as to slow my way down and created a pretty long distance from the car in front of me. I couldn’t care less.
But that was this morning, now, at almost home time - sitting in front of the computer writing this log, I deeply felt sorry for that guy. I have many loved ones and friends using motorbikes to get around town, and somehow I just don’t know if I can blame them for being an egoistic monster on the road, for the same reason that I am also one when I’m on the road.
So, who is to blame? What’s the solution? You tell me.
I’ve been married to my darling husband, Ferrie, for almost 2 years now, and it doesn’t really seem like a long time. Probably ’cause I’m enjoying it, and it IS not that long a time. Most people still find themselves in a dilemma, mulling over getting married; making a commitment to one person, being stuck with that one same person for the rest of their lives… (whew… to think of the concept…) Alhamdulillah, I don’t see myself fall in that category; who takes much consideration and time to finally decide to get married. The reason could be because the surroundings of my upbringing is still fairly conservative, still think its better for a girl and a boy to be wed as quickly as they can, to avoid fitnah and create more delightful sins *if you know what I mean?.. wink.. wink..* Contrary to the concept created by those dilemmatic people, I believe that marriage brings its own rizqi. You have many advantages of being married; one big advantage is that you don’t have to fulfill your “needs” by yourself, ANY kind of needs, you officially have someone to share with. But aside from the advantages, there are some responsibilities attached to the word marriage, for me they would be balancing my role as a mother, a wife, a working woman, and a child to my parents. Pff… that’s not an easy task, I tell ya. My baby boy just doesn’t give me any problems; instead he gives me elation beyond my dreams. He makes me want to be with him ALL the time. But then my husband will appear with his sulky face, complaining that I’m not attending to his needs. Luckily that’s just one or two times, he’s been really understanding of my position. As a working woman, sometimes, I really wish I could quit my job and be a full time housewife, where I can be with my baby boy, 24-7. Which would mean, I would have to be fully dependant on my husband’s income… (scary thought — since I’ve never really been fully dependant on anyone but myself). Another alternative is create a job that I can do at home, or somewhere nearby, so I can spend more time with my child (and his future siblings). Psst… this is also one of my dreams that havenot come true YET. Even when you’re married, you can’t just abandon your responsibilities of being a child to your parents. Sometimes you got to answer to their call as well. When they need anything, or just simply when they need to see you. So for me, marriage compels me to be responsible far beyond my years, or at least far than what I am now. Because I feel like I need to always be one step ahead to be able to balance all of my reponsibilities nicely, to keep the family together, both my own lil’ family and my whole family. I assume that would be the whole idea of that thing called marriage life. I am pleased to be welcoming my best friend and her lucky boyfriend into marriage life next month, in March. To Zili and Dudi, may Allah’s blessing be bestowed upon you and your upcoming marriage life. Amin.
I’ve been writing forever now actually, but up until today, they’ve been for private consumption (the writer’s) only. For my own personal reasons..
I’ve always dreamt of becoming a writer, at some column of a magazine, or just a short cerpen, you name it. But somehow, that dream just becomes one of those dreams of mine that havenot come true (YET — menghibur diri sendiri niiih).
So, having created this blog, I was hoping to be able to re-sharpen my writing skill and also pour out what would seem to be my uneg-uneg in writing, or is it the other way around?
Nevermind! Guess I’ll see you on the next posting!!
