On being a mom

Everyday I drive myself to get to where I work, in Kemang. The distance from my home to Kemang, is not really that far. But what detests me the most is the traffic and behavior of the people on the road.

There are just too many vehicles on the road. Especially during the going to and from office hours. Everybody’s rushing to get to the office, which mostly starts around 8-9AM, and then they’re rushing back home after the clock shows 5PM. The road then somehow has a magical power to transform ordinarily nice people into monsters and everything else hideous. With no exception, it affected me.

Just this morning, right after that turn out from my komplek and into the main road of Jalan Raya Bogor, I could already see the traffic waiting for me. It was one created by a nearby Japanese electronic appliances factory *SANYO boo…*, as I waited (un)patiently to pass the traffic, I noticed that motorcycles are closing in on the sides of the queue line of cars, trying to also pass the traffic, but waaaay too close to the line of cars where I was. I did realize that one beside me was that close that he could almost lean on the side of my car, but then the road’s magical spell swept on me, I had to move forward – ‘cause the line is moving, though I unconsciously realized that if I moved in a straight line following the car in front of me, the right front wheel of my car could roll over his foot just below that wheel.

Which I did exactly, (dunno whether its accidental or purposefully), what I know is the guy on the bike opened his helmet and started cursing me. I rolled down the window, with a frowning face (somewhere between feeling sorry for him and a winning feel) and answered “Mas sendiri sih, salahnya mepet mepet mobil… ya maaf kalo sakit…”.

I could see his lips still cursing, and he moved right in front of my car, as to slow my way down and created a pretty long distance from the car in front of me. I couldn’t care less.

But that was this morning, now, at almost home time - sitting in front of the computer writing this log, I deeply felt sorry for that guy. I have many loved ones and friends using motorbikes to get around town, and somehow I just don’t know if I can blame them for being an egoistic monster on the road, for the same reason that I am also one when I’m on the road.

So, who is to blame? What’s the solution? You tell me.

I’ve been married to my darling husband, Ferrie, for almost 2 years now, and it doesn’t really seem like a long time. Probably ’cause I’m enjoying it, and it IS not that long a time.

Most people still find themselves in a dilemma, mulling over getting married; making a commitment to one person, being stuck with that one same person for the rest of their lives… (whew… to think of the concept…)

Alhamdulillah, I don’t see myself fall in that category; who takes much consideration and time to finally decide to get married. The reason could be because the surroundings of my upbringing is still fairly conservative, still think its better for a girl and a boy to be wed as quickly as they can, to avoid fitnah and create more delightful sins *if you know what I mean?.. wink.. wink..*

Contrary to the concept created by those dilemmatic people, I believe that marriage brings its own rizqi. You have many advantages of being married; one big advantage is that you don’t have to fulfill your “needs” by yourself, ANY kind of needs, you officially have someone to share with. But aside from the advantages, there are some responsibilities attached to the word marriage, for me they would be balancing my role as a mother, a wife, a working woman, and a child to my parents. Pff… that’s not an easy task, I tell ya.

My baby boy just doesn’t give me any problems; instead he gives me elation beyond my dreams. He makes me want to be with him ALL the time. But then my husband will appear with his sulky face, complaining that I’m not attending to his needs. Luckily that’s just one or two times, he’s been really understanding of my position.

As a working woman, sometimes, I really wish I could quit my job and be a full time housewife, where I can be with my baby boy, 24-7. Which would mean, I would have to be fully dependant on my husband’s income… (scary thought — since I’ve never really been fully dependant on anyone but myself). Another alternative is create a job that I can do at home, or somewhere nearby, so I can spend more time with my child (and his future siblings). Psst… this is also one of my dreams that havenot come true YET.

Even when you’re married, you can’t just abandon your responsibilities of being a child to your parents. Sometimes you got to answer to their call as well. When they need anything, or just simply when they need to see you.

So for me, marriage compels me to be responsible far beyond my years, or at least far than what I am now. Because I feel like I need to always be one step ahead to be able to balance all of my reponsibilities nicely, to keep the family together, both my own lil’ family and my whole family. I assume that would be the whole idea of that thing called marriage life.

I am pleased to be welcoming my best friend and her lucky boyfriend into marriage life next month, in March. To Zili and Dudi, may Allah’s blessing be bestowed upon you and your upcoming marriage life. Amin.

I’ve been writing forever now actually, but up until today, they’ve been for private consumption (the writer’s) only. For my own personal reasons..

I’ve always dreamt of becoming a writer, at some column of a magazine, or just a short cerpen, you name it. But somehow, that dream just becomes one of those dreams of mine that havenot come true (YET — menghibur diri sendiri niiih).

So, having created this blog, I was hoping to be able to re-sharpen my writing skill and also pour out what would seem to be my uneg-uneg in writing, or is it the other way around?

Nevermind! Guess I’ll see you on the next posting!!